Hmm.

I've left this blog to languish after but one simple post. Time to correct that!

Steppin' Out

I used to not get out much, but that's changing.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Melina. That's the name I've chosen for myself as a girl.

At this point the implications of my words should start to arise, so I will address them.

I could employ words like transgender and transsexual. I won't; I don't think those terms apply to me. They could be accurate and I just don't know it, because I've never had to worry about who I am, but the fact that I have started to more fully explore and express my feminine self and I still don't worry about it makes me wary of any kind of label. Put simply, I don't think about what I am. I am simply who I am, and I'm very, very comfortable with it.

So. Who am I? I am a sexual, intellectual and creative being, just like anyone else. My sexual identity however is (for lack of a better term) bifurcated, by which I mean to say that although I was born male, present myself as male, identify myself as male and have the desires of a heterosexual male of my species (human), I have always had a secondary and less obvious existence as a female.

A secret self.

Never once in my life have I ever thought of girls as 'icky'--not once as far back as I can remember. The concept is literally alien to me; even before reaching sexual maturity (long before) I found girls interesting at least and attractive on the whole. (Sure, I have preferences, and some girls are icky, but that can be true of anyone, really.)  It's possible that this viewpoint is a direct result of having a feminine ego, or it could be that I was just born to love the ladies. It's interesting from an academic standpoint, but that can be another topic for another post.

Recently, however, I've come to... Not really accept so much as exercise that feminine ego. I've given myself a name and am exploring my personality, finding out who I am. I find that I'm no different as Melina from my primary self; I see this as an indication that I was never not Melina in some way, and that now I just have a more concrete frame of reference for myself.

So this will be an interesting journey. I feel like I have the map to my female self, I just need to go to the places on it. You can come with me if you like, and read dispatches from the field.

By the way. Why the title "Melina In Pantyhose"?

I've loved hosiery and been drawn to it as an accoutrement of my feminine sexual identity since early childhood, and my first brushes with my inner girl were while experimenting with wearing pantyhose at age 5 or so. I've never cross-dressed to any great degree, and certainly not in public (nor do I want to; we can talk about that later), but it's when I wear pantyhose or stockings that I really feel the most like myself. In fact, in pantyhose, I'm not just Melina -- I'm all of me.

I'll post again soon. Comment if you like, dismiss if you prefer. I'm happy being me.